There is Always Someone Who Has It Worse

 

Every time I start feeling sorry for myself, I meet someone who has it worse than I do.

I am a member of two different online message boards for preemie moms and there are so many stories more horrifying than mine, outcomes that make me want to cry and make Fiona’s story look almost natural. I’m lucky she never needed surgery, never had a ventilator hood, didn’t get sick, didn’t need to come home with equipment. I had to wait days, not weeks to hold her, and she was never transferred to a hospital far away. Her life was never in jeopardy and we never had those “Will she make it?” moments.

Her reflux seems to be getting a little worse at times, but better at others. She’s not projectile vomiting but she sounds like an asthmatic after she throws up. It’s scary. She makes noise all night long, sounds like she’s choking, but she never does. There are moms on one of my boards whose children had projectile vomiting many times a day for years. They wound up having to be tube fed because they stopped eating. I hope we never get to that point. So far, it hasn’t affected her appetite at all. We are very lucky.

I go to a breastfeeding support class and there are women who have low supply and even though their babies were full term, they have more difficulty breastfeeding than I do. Their babies are losing weight and mine is gaining (8 pounds 4 ounces today). So even though I curse prematurity and feel sorry for myself while struggling to breastfeed, there are still women who have a harder time than me.

I was asked by the woman who runs the support class to come speak to her pre-natal breastfeeding class. I went last night. There was only one couple and a doula. I told them my story, told them the struggle to ween from bottles. Talked about pumping and nursing and how the husband can be supportive and some things to expect that seem to happen to all breastfeeding moms, not just preemie moms (like sitting on the couch for hours at a time because baby eats constantly). It’s funny how well rested they looked.

I miss sleep.

I’ll end with a series of photos I took before we went to the pre-natal class last night. Fiona was sleeping on my mom and she did not want to let her go: