Another Loss

It is with a sad heart that I tell the internet and anyone who reads this blog that we had another loss. This time, it was the potential for a life. I am pregnant. I should be 11 weeks today, but unfortunately, it was not meant to be. I had a positive pregnancy test at the beginning of October, but a month later an ultrasound showed no heartbeat. We decided that it was still early and I had a second ultrasound ten days later. The second time there was still no heartbeat, but there were two yolk sacs and it looked like maybe my uterus grew a little. I had another ultrasound today, a week after the last, but alas, there was still no heartbeat and no growth. Together with my obstetrician, John and I decided that it is time to let go and declare the pregnancy a miscarriage. We were hoping for a baby in late June or early July, but now we will have to wait a little longer.

I am at peace with the decision and know that it is what needs to be done. Everything happens for a reason and I am sure there is one here, even if I don’t know what it is. I would much rather lose this now than later when i am more invested. We didn’t tell anyone about the pregnancy for fear of early loss (with Fiona, we waited until I was at least three months along to tell people, because risk of loss decreases significantly after 12-13 weeks), and we didn’t want to have to explain to people why there was no baby. It was hard enough with Fiona, when there was a baby, just not at home, I didn’t want to have to keep track of everyone who knew in case they asked later on.

I am only putting this out there to explain what is happening here in our lives. While I am sad and disappointed, I am okay. However, pregnancy is a sensitive subject, so I ask that, if you read this, please do not ask me if and when I am planning to have another child. During the past month, it was the hardest question people asked, and it seemed like EVERYONE was asking me, because I was not sure how to answer, knowing that it was possible that soon I would have another child, but equally likely that it was not going to happen.

To end on a happier note, Fiona is doing great. She is turning into a little artist. Today she drew a mouse and it looked like a mouse. She identified four feet as she was drawing them, drew eyes, a nose, whiskers, and a tail. The mouse is in blue:

After, she tried to draw a black mouse too. She drew everything with her left hand so John is afraid that she is going to be a lefty. In my opinion, being left handed is the only way to be, but he disagrees. Now, if only the nausea would go away. It has been one of the biggest downsides in all this; feeling physically ill while knowing it was probably not going to amount to anything.

Have a great week!

Happy Thanksgiving

Every year at this time, and every day for that matter, I have a lot to be thankful for. Good friends, wonderful family, a nice home, a reliable car, a steady job, good health, nice weather, food, I could go on and on. I am very fortunate to live where I live, do what I do, and have everything that I have. Tonight we will go to my parents’ house and eat a large and delicious meal prepared by my mother. We will be joined by family and I know how lucky I am to be in this situation.

Here are some photos of someone I am extremely thankful for:

 

Note her use of the stool to get in and out of the boxes. She uses it all the time for reaching things.

Daddy combing her hair:

Snuggling on Daddy:

There is a 4 in the left picture and an A in the right picture:

Fiona drew them intentionally, then announced to me that she did so.

Here is the corn we grew. John and Fiona harvested it last weekend and I cooked it:

 

The crop was a small but tasty one. I guess we can’t expect too much from corn planted in the early fall when it is normally being harvested, then harvested in the last fall.

We took a walk by the beach today and Fiona had fun on a zip line:

  

Here are some videos. The first is of Fiona counting “eight, nine, ten, seven, eight, nine, ten.” The second video is of Fiona putting a puzzle together, and the third is of Fiona singing a song from school. She interrupts herself when she passes gas, then squeals “Excuse me!”

Happy Thanksgiving (to those in the US)!

“Please Wipe My Tears”

This is what Fiona says when she cries. It’s funny and sad at the same time.

The other night she announced that she was going to work:

 

She got her purse and her keys and her to-go cup, put on her shoes and said, “Bye bye, see you later!” then walked to the door. It was past 6:30pm. I asked her where she worked and she told me San Diego, where she works with big animals.

Lately Fiona has been saying that Baby (Panda) is very very sick and she comforts her (Fiona decided Panda is a girl). She says, “Poor poor Baby” and pats Baby on the back. I have no idea where she is getting this from. I am guessing she picked it up at school.

Here is Fiona with John, both on their laptops:

 

She doesn’t play with it very often, but once in while becomes interested. Right now she is obsessed with animals and the laptop has a feature that has animals. They make sounds and Fiona gets to guess what they are.

One day I decided to dress Fiona in overalls. I wore them too. I put pigtails in her hair, and she was irresistibly cute for the rest of the day:

She even napped in the overalls:

 

I think they make her look tall.

Sad News

Grandpa Don passed away this weekend. John is in Canada right now.

Here are photos from when we visited in July:

 

John did not take photos when he visited two weeks ago. Don is going to be sorely missed. I am sad that Fiona will not grow up with him, but I am glad that she had a chance to meet him a few times and to talk to him through Skype. She knows his name and recognizes him in photos. We haven’t told her that he passed, so she thinks John is just visiting him. When asked, she will say, “Daddy visiting Grandpa Don in Canada, in Victoria.” I am not sure how we are going to tell her what happened.

Don, rest in peace. It was an honor knowing you and being part of your family.

Hey, It’s Been Less Than Two Weeks Since My Last Post

I’m going to post something today while there is a minor lull in my work.

Pretty much nothing special has happened around here since the weekend. There was a little bit of snuggling:

 

Some hiding:

Fiona is employing the “ostrich technique” of hiding, by burying her head and assuming that no one can see her because she can’t see anyone.

Lots of reading:

  

Fiona’s favorite books of late are all the "Pookie” books by Sandra Boynton, The Berenstain Bears books of which we have many, and some books by Robert Munsch including “Good Families Don’t” that Fiona calls “the fart book” because it about how sometimes even good girls fart. Fiona thinks farting is hysterical, but is also learning to say excuse me whenever she does it. Now if only her daddy would learn to do the same.

Here she is, hopping on her pop:

Wearing Daddy’s glasses:

That’s about it. Fiona loves school (she calls it “class”) and is learning to ride her tricycle.

Have a good rest of the week everyone!

Halloween

Fiona was a tiger for Halloween.

 

 

We went Trick or Treating with Fiona’s friend Lyla and her family, just like last year (picture on the left):

It was great time. Fiona is still very shy, but she walked up to doors and took candy, just never spoke to the people, even though she can say “trick or treat” and “thank you” and says “please” and “thank you” unprompted on a regular basis (her manners are improving a lot lately). Lyla walked most of the time and Fiona chose to ride in the wagon. She also carried a baby doll that belongs to Lyla. We do not let her take dolls out of the house, but we made an exception because she wouldn’t put her costume on with out it.

 

 

Last weekend, while John was away, we went to a pumpkin patch. We enjoyed a hay bale maze, a hay ride, a ride in a big wagon pulled by horses, looking at a sleeping and grunting pig, some other animals, and pumpkins! Fiona helped pick out a few and rode in wheel barrow with them. Her strongest memory of the day is that I forgot to bring her water from the car, so I bought a water bottle for $1 and she drank water from the bottle (not a new thing) but spilled it a few times because of the jerky motion of the wheelbarrow. I’m not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing.

John stayed home from work on Wednesday and spent the day with Fiona before we went trick or treating.

When we returned home from trick or treating, our street was really crowded. It is a really popular street and it was difficult to get into our driveway. We sat on the front porch while Fiona handed out candy. She took her job very seriously and everyone who came to our house gushed over her. My photos are not very good because it was dark and I was trying to not get anyone else in the photos for privacy reasons.

 

It was literally the cutest thing I’ve ever seen her do.

After a while she grew tired, so we brought her inside and put her to bed. She had a great day at school the next day and she only ate minimal candy, just the little chalky Smarties. She thinks candy is for giving out, ha ha. I’m sure it will not be like that next year.

Friday, John came home from work early. Fiona had a late nap, but we still made it to visit Nicole, Caz, and Kaleo:

 

We walked to a park where Fi and Caz ran around and climbed on the various jungle gyms, while Kaleo slept in the stroller. Before we said goodbye, Fiona had to hold Kaleo a little. Her fascination is definitely waning, but she is still interested in a little real baby holding.

Today, we attempted to go for a little hike. The city built a trail that runs behind city hall for a mile up to Grant Park. It has really nice views of the city and ocean. We decided to check it out because it was not hot, it was still relatively early, and Fiona sort of slept until seven today. We did not get very far because Fiona kept wanting to stop and play with the dirt and rocks. We even brought a few home, three in her back pocket and one in mine.

  

It was a nice if abbreviated hike and the weather was great! On the way down, we played a game where John would run ahead and “hide” behind a turn or a corner, and then Fiona would go running after him, slamming into him with a big hug. I think they both enjoyed it more than the hike itself and I don’t blame them. Who doesn’t love to run into the arms of someone who loves them?

I can’t wait to go back again, and hopefully get a little further up the trail.

Tonight, Fiona put on her shoes and socks (she was not wearing pants), got a bag and her keys, and announced that she was going to the market to get dates and books. She waved bye bye and told us she loves us, then tried to open the front door. I’m glad she cannot yet unlock the front door or drive a car, because I think if she could, she really would have gone to the market. Aye aya aye, my child is growing up!

As a reminder that she is still so small, here is a photo of her sleeping, tucked up just like she did when she was a wee newborn:

Have a great rest of the weekend and a good week!