Today would have been my brother Matan’s 28th birthday. I can’t believe how long it has been since I last saw him, or spoke to him, or had one of his squeezy hugs. I miss him so much, it hurts. I think about him every day, and sometimes I still cry. The last time I cried was last week, while driving in my car.
To celebrate Matan’s birthday, we had a family tradition of going out to dinner at a nice restaurant somewhere. I would make the reservations and we would all get dressed up. The last birthday we had together was in 2007. We went to Allegria in Malibu. I had some sort of risotto thing. I remember he didn’t really like what he ordered so he had some of my dinner. Somewhere on my other computer I have a picture from that evening.
Last year we tried to go out to dinner, but the restaurant I picked had terrible service and only so-so food. I was also pregnant and extremely nauseous, so it was not a very pleasant experience. This year I made dinner. I made crispy salmon, green beans with almonds and lemon juice, salad of mixed greens with ruby red grapefruit and orange, and yam mousse with brown sugar and maple syrup. We also had bread and butter. Matan’s ex-girlfriend Aubry has been visiting and she ate dinner with us. All in all it was a fun dinner, lots of laughs, a few tears, open hearts.
I sigh as I write this. Having Fiona has made me miss him so much more because I am sad at what he is missing and what she is missing. I am sad that she will never know him and that he never got to have a niece (he loved children and was always pressuring me to have them). I wish he was here. I know that Matan and Fiona would love each other.
Here is a photo of him from my phone. I don’t remember when this was taken. I’m sure he was giving me a dirty look for taking a picture of him with my phone.
My mother is working on a memorial website. I will link it when it is finished.
I love you and miss you Little Bro!
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