Happy Birthday Matan!

My mom started a facebook event for Matan’s birthday. Some of his friends have commented, as have some of my friends and some of my mom’s friends. For some reason, I cannot bring myself to post on it. I’m not sure why. I think it is because I feel like he’s my special person. He’s my brother and I don’t want to share him with anyone else, especially not on facebook. I don’t want to air to everyone how much I miss him, how I think about him every day, how whenever Fiona does something new or funny, I want to call him. How sad I am that she will never know him and he will never get to hold her or see how funny and silly she is becoming.

Today he would have been 29. If I could call him, I would tease him about it, how he is in the last year of his 20’s and about to cross over in real adulthood, also known as your 30’s. I wonder where he would be right now and what he would be doing. Would we go out to dinner at a nice restaurant like old times, or would he choose to do something else with someone other than his parents and sister? Would he be married and/or have kids of his own? So many “I wonders” and not enough time.

I still have his number programmed into my phone. Sometimes I toy with calling it to see who would pick it up, and to tell them that their phone number used to belong to someone I love and lost.

I saw a movie recently (Fast Five, go ahead, mock me) and I was so disappointed in it. I’ve seen every movie in the Fast and Furious franchise. Sometimes they make me feel closer to him because he worked on those same types of cars, enabling them to do what the cars in the movies do. I wonder what he thought of/would think of the movies. Would he like them? Which would be his favorite? Would he yell at the screen about any inaccuracies or that some car can’t really do that, or some other car is actually better?

Well, if you can read this, Happy Birthday Bro! I miss you! This is the last year of your 20’s. Next year, you will be a real adult, and people in their early 20’s will think that you are old. But this year, you get to enjoy being young still. I hope you are having fun where ever you are, and that you are driving a tricked out, manual transmission, blue Toyota Supra.

Peace out!