Lactivism

First, a quick story. John just showed me a Youtube clip titled “Panda Mother Hugs Baby Panda”. In the clip, the baby panda is on a branch. The mother panda walks to branch, picks up the baby and sits down with it. John narrated it like this,

“See the baby panda? Look there goes the mother. She picks up the baby. Puts the baby on boob.”

It really wasn’t that obvious what the panda was doing. My dear, dear husband is now able to recognize when other animals are nursing. He recently encouraged me to nurse Fiona indefinitely, instead of weaning in August (at 14 months) like I plan to do. Two of the many reasons I love him so much!

So what is lactivism? According to Wikipedia, lactivism is advocacy for breastfeeding. Advocates are called lactivists. They come in many shapes, sizes, and ages. All lactivists support the idea that “breast is best” and want breastfeeding to become the norm in the United States, instead of being seen as some sort of weird or alternative behavior.

I LOVE breastfeeding. I love the bond I share with Fiona. I love being able to touch her little feet or feel her little hands when she eats. I love being able to sooth her without any toys, and not worrying about food because I have everything she needs right now. Sure it would be nice to drink and eat indiscriminately but I don’t mind watching what I put in my mouth because it means that I don’t have to worry about what goes into Fiona’s mouth.

Breastfeeding came easily and not easy at all. Fiona latched on for the first time when she was 33 weeks gestation. She was triggering let-down (when the breast fills with milk) at 35 weeks. She always had a good latch and a strong suck so I never had to worry about sore nipples or other problems many women face when they attempt to breastfeed. However, I had to wean Fiona from bottles because she was 99.99999% bottle fed when she came home from the hospital. I spent many weeks full of tearful nights and frustrating days teaching her to nurse from me and waiting for her to have enough stamina to feed herself and still gain weight, and not spend 24 hours a day eating. It was all worth it and left me thinking that if I can do it, anyone can.

I should also add that Fiona LOVES breastfeeding and will crawl to me in bed and attack even when she is not that hungry.

What to feed a baby and how is a personal choice. I recognize that breastfeeding is not for everyone and not even an option for some. If a mother has to go back to work immediately, she does not have time to establish a good breastfeeding relationship with her baby. Not everyone has the money to buy a good (read: expensive) pump or the time and space at work to pump as many times a day as is necessary to maintain her supply. I do not hold a grudge against women who have to or choose to give formula to their infants.

However, I recently had a couple of encounters that left me wondering about my beliefs. First, I met a woman and her husband who had school aged children. They told me their firstborn arrived a little early and had jaundice. By the time the next child was born, they wised up. They were ready with the formula. The second encounter happened last weekend. I was in Babies R Us and I saw a mom and a baby. I think the baby was in it’s first month of life judging by the dark circles and helpless look on the mother’s face. She had a large can of formula in her basket and she fed a rather large bottle (the same size Fiona gets, parents tend to over feed formula babies) and I suddenly felt so sad. I was sad for the baby that it wasn’t going to experience the wonder of breastfeeding, and I felt sad for the mother that she is going to miss out on the wonderful feeling of nourishing her baby, and the soothing magic that breastfeeding has on a crying baby.

Then I wondered, have I become a lactivist? I cringed inwardly when the woman in the doctor’s office told me she didn’t even try to breastfeed. So many women don’t. Or they try, but lack support from family, friends, spouses, employers, society at large. Or they think that there is something wrong with their milk or that they don’t have enough because their baby eats all the time. New babies do eat frequently and for long periods of time. That does not mean they are not getting enough milk. Also, a lot of time, they aren’t really eating, they are comfort sucking. If one doesn’t know the difference between eating and comfort sucking, it’s easy to think that the baby is eating for an hour and then hungry again, therefore there is something wrong with the milk/there is not enough milk. It’s easy to second guess yourself if you do not have all the facts.

And who knows? Maybe that baby in Babies R Us was initially breastfed but his mom is on some sort of medication that prevents her from breastfeeding. Or maybe he was allergic to her milk. I don’t know because I did not ask her.

I guess my whole point is just that I am surprised by how sad I felt at the baby with the bottle and how grating it was to hear about not even trying to breastfeed because of some imagined fear. I thought women who said they were sad for other people’s babies had too much time on their hands. Now I’m one of them.

Here is my little sumo wrester, grown chubby from drinking lots of mommy milk:

An update: I think I really am a lactivist because when I went to the Strawberry Festival I saw a lot of moms bottle feeding their infants and I assumed they were all getting formula. I thanked a mom in public for breastfeeding, while she was doing it. I am sad at the prospect of weaning and think I might wait longer than I originally planned.

Sigh.