Funny Little Fi

 

Fiona lost 40 grams on Monday, but gained 65 on Tuesday, putting her at 5 pounds 13 ounces. She’s my Almost 6 Pounds of Pudding Pie!

It’s funny how sometimes I can catch her in funny positions that make her look like she’s purposely doing something.

For example, here she is giving someone a long sideways glance:

Baby, don’t give your nurse the stink-eye!

Here, she looks like she’s so full. “Duuude, I ate too much…”

And frequently, she looks at us like we are crazy and furrows her brows (see video in “She’s Already Concerned That Her Parents Are Weirdos” post).

T minus…?

It’s the final countdown (cue Europe). Fiona has been apnea free for six days. She’s feeding ad lib, every three to four hours, including when I breast feed her. No recent bradycardias. She passed her hearing screening. If she stays apnea free, continues to gain weight, and passes her car seat test, she’ll be home very soon!

Keep you fingers crossed!

OK baby, you can wake up sometime when my hands are free to take a picture.

Breastfeeding Success!

 

 

Fiona is now 5 pounds 12 ounces. Bottle feeding is not affecting her weight gain.

Because Fiona is now eating ad lib, I get to really try to breastfeed her. She can eat for as long as she wants as much as she wants, so if she doesn’t get enough, she’ll just wake up later and be hungry again.

Last night at 7:45pm, just after the shift change, her nurse called me to tell me that she was awake and hungry. I flew to the hospital and scrubbed in as fast I as I could. I put her on and she latched immediately. She ate for about 25 minutes, burped loudly several times, then settled down on my chest and went to sleep. If I tried to move her, she whined a little. Eventually, I put her back in her crib so that I could pump out whatever she didn’t eat. She slept the entire time so I guess I gave her enough.

I am so excited!

 

One Step Forward, One Step Back

 

My baby is becoming a teenager. She sleeps until noon and doesn’t answer me when I ask her questions. She has a mild case of baby acne. I told her to cut back on the pizza!

Fiona is over six weeks old. She weighs five pounds eleven ounces (2.585 kg). Her feeding tube was removed yesterday and she’s been taking all of her feedings orally. In fact, she is now eating ad lib. The nurses will only feed her when she wakes up and indicates that she is hungry. They will let her eat as much or as little as she wants, just like we would at home. They won’t let her go more than four hours without eating.

This is great news. It’s almost the last step before going home.

Almost.

In order to go home, Fiona must demonstrate three things:

1) She can control her own body temperature – check

2) She can eat on her own without losing weight – sort of check

3) No apneas or bradycardias in seven days – FAIL!

Yesterday afternoon she had a bradycardia that was not self resolving. That means she had to be stimulated and bought herself seven more days in the NICU.

Here’s hoping she figures out that breathing and heart rate thing soon.

Here are pictures from today’s afternoon visit:

   

She also squirted milk from her nose today.

So That’s What She Looks Like…

 

Anyone who’s had a baby in the NICU knows that they often have so many wires and tubes that their faces are obscured. Until today, I never saw Fiona without some sort of tape on her cheek. When I visited today, her feeding tube was gone!

She’s been eating so well, her night nurse decided it was time. It is possible for her to backslide and the tube will need to be re-inserted, but I’m keeping my fingers crossed that she keeps up with the drinking. Of milk, of course.

The Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me!

 

Even though Fiona is still in the NICU, I feel like part of this experience was just a bad dream. Fiona is now close to six pounds, takes her dinner from a bottle (in a good way), can breath entirely on her own, and is awake sometimes. The nurses love her and take good care of her, the doctors tell me she’s doing great, and everyone I met while a patient at the hospital oohs and aahs over my photos of Fiona. The days of having to ask if I can hold her (sometimes being told I couldn’t because her temperature was too low or she just ate and might throw up) seem so long ago, even though they were only a few weeks ago.

For some reason, I feel very optimistic today. Everyone tells me how lucky I am and I feel it.

I did not feel so lucky six weeks ago. Dr. J told me to go to L&D. Dr. C delivered Fiona. I resented both of them for a while. The day after Fiona was born Dr. G saw me and asked how “the luckiest woman in the hospital” felt. I felt like crap. I couldn’t walk very well (I was in a wheel chair at the time, for the first time in my life), I was sleep deprived, and I hadn’t seen my daughter yet. I needed help putting on my pants and going to the bathroom.

I felt like the least lucky woman in the world.

I was so depressed and angry and disappointed. I should still have been pregnant. I should have been at work, torturing my students with silly math songs and stories, I should have been rubbing my belly and singing little songs to the baby boy I was sure I was carrying (yes, I have no instinct when it comes to guessing what I’m carrying in my belly).

Now I know I am the luckiest woman there. All the medical professionals who hear my story stare in disbelief. To be in the right place at the right time happens so rarely. I cannot imagine what would have happened had I not had my appointment on that very day, at that very time, in that very office.

One of the L&D nurses said to me, as I was lying there scared out of my mind, “Hey, look. The worst thing that will happen today is that you will have your baby. The baby may be early, but you will have your baby.”

I really wish I would have looked at it that way. I wish I would have celebrated Fiona’s birth, instead of thinking that it was a horrible disaster. Once out, her life was never in danger; it was only threatened while inside me. It was a wonderful thing to give birth to her. Instead of feeling sorry for myself, I should have been ecstatic. John was. He was happy and excited. I didn’t want to tell anyone. I wanted to hide from the world and not admit that my little August Leo was now a June Gemini (and didn’t I always say I wanted a little left handed June Gemini?).

I thought people would judge me and think I did something wrong, that this was somehow my fault, instead of that I did something right; I made the right decision that would save my baby’s life. John balked when I told him I didn’t want to put an announcement in the paper. Now I’m glad I did. I want my daughter to know that having her was

the best thing that ever happened to me!

Even if it did not happen the way I planned.

To end, here are two pictures of her doing what she does best – looking cute while sleeping (on her daddy in this case).

Fiona is OK!

 

Those that know me, know that I get a little twitchy when the phone rings at odd times. Today was no exception. The house phone rang at 6:45am. I immediately thought that it was the hospital and that something happened to Fiona. The recorded message was from the Ventura Police Department. I then thought my parents were in a car accident. It turned out to be neither of those situations. Apparently a black bear was spotted in our area and the message was a warning with instructions on what to do should anyone in my household spot the bear.

What a relief!

A link to the story on the Ventura County Star website:

http://www.vcstar.com/news/2010/jul/16/morning-report-police-searching-for-bear-hit-by/